The TV Chick

Hoo boy, it’s been a long summer without TV’s favorite vampires and vamp groupies, but we’re back with the season three premiere of The Vampire Diaries – “The Birthday.”

I’m just gonna say, the cold open was super creepy. Like, I was sitting on the edge of my seat, eyes wide open creepy. We start with some random slutty chick looking for her dog or some such when Klaus comes up to her (note: they are in the middle of nowhere) and asked to use her phone because he’s stranded and his cell is dead. She reluctantly agrees, but won’t invite him in. So, he goes all crazy vamp on her and compels her to get in the house. There’s also a roommate. He’s looking for a dude by the name of Ray Sutton who lives there on occasion. Oh, hey, Stefan is there too. Klaus makes him kill them while he waits in the car. Well, now, glad that’s not a bizarre thing to do.

Meanwhile, Elena is sad because her life sort of sucks even though she’s really pretty. She wakes up Jer Bear, morning banter. She then speaks to Caroline on the phone who is planning a birthday party for her for that evening. And Alaric is still chilling at the Gilbert Residence. Elena offers him a bedroom, but he prefers not to stay where her dead parents or his dead girlfriend slept. Touche.

Over at the Safe House/Bachelor Pad (here forth to be know as the SHBP), Damon is taking a bubble bath (?!)  [Ed. Note: Damon and bubble baths never need to be questioned!] while Andie Starr prepares for work. (She looks weirder than last season; did this actress lose some weight or something?) He’s also drinking champagne. (This sounds like my morning except there was a baby instead and no champagne or bath). Elena stops by and Damon greets her naked because that’s his thing. (He is looking hot as ever, but his hairstyle is looking a bit womanly according to my husband M). She’s there to see if there has been any info about Stefan’s whereabouts. There’s talk of Mama Sheriff mentioning some animal attacks in Memphis.

Over at the Mystic Grill, Jeremy has decided to be a productive member of society so he has gotten a job! But, he’s skyping with Bonnie in the stock room so JOB FAIL. Also, he is still seeing dead Vicki and dead Anna. That would scare the crap out of me every time. How has he not had a heart attack yet? Maybe he doesn’t eat as much bacon as I do. Also at the Grill is Caroline and Tyler who are having a sexual tension fueled lunch. No wonder Matt didn’t want to serve them.

Back to the Dynamic Duo: Klaus and Stefan have found Ray Sutton who is a werewolf AND Simon Camden from 7th Heaven. Alaric and Stefan are also in town at the house from the opening. Damon knows Stefan was there because the bodies have been ripped apart and put back together (he likes to get crazy but then feels bad about it. I encourage him to seek help). They find some werewolf crap under the floorboards also. Damon lights the place on fire to cover things up and they get the heck out of dodge.

Elena, Caroline, and Tyler are prepping for the party (BTW – I decided I love Tyler). They talk about finding Stefan and Elena’s scandalous kiss with Damon. Caroline reminds Tyler that he wasn’t supposed to mention that. Also, Caroline is totes jealous over that fact that Tyler is bringing a date to the party. They talk about how they are both horny. They really use that word, which seems creeper mccreeperson to me.

Meanwhile, Stefan is throwing poison darts at Simon/Ray to find out info about his pack. Also, Stefan and Klaus know that Damon is looking for him so Stefan goes to give a stay away message.

Over at the SHBP, Elena is getting ready for the party when Damon gives her a present, which is actually just her missing necklace. They sort of want to make out, but don’t.

So, then it’s the party, which is sort of crazy! Lots of people, keg stands, and pot. This is really different than my Friday nights in high school that were usually spent playing Tetris while simultaneously listening to the Smashing Pumpkins on my Discman and watching TV. While Jeremy and Matt smoke some pot, Jeremy tells him that he’s seeing things but doesn’t elaborate. Elena sees Jeremy with the pot and tells Alaric that he needs to take care of that mess. Also, Caroline is throwing back some booze while watching Tyler grind on some chick. Matt then comes over for some uncomfortable banter.

Andie Starr is not at this shindig yet because she was working late at the news station. She goes to leave but instead wanders into the studio where it is dark except for a single spotlight that keeps blinding her. Turns out Stefan is there. She’s cool at first with this, but then quickly realizes that this is sort of bad news for her.

Damon then gets a call from Andie to come down to the station. Brother Reunion! Before he can leave, Elena finds all of his leads about Stefan, and she is not pleased that she didn’t know about this. He peaces out. At the station, Damon and Stefan meet and Stefan tells Damon that he needs to let him go. He then makes Andie jump and kill herself. Yikes. Heavy stuff, dude.

Jeremy drives Matt home because Matt was high, but wasn’t Jeremy high as well? He sees Vicki and says her name, which Matt hears and is like ‘what the heck?’ They actually end up at the Gilbert Residence where they eat ice cream and talk about Jeremy seeing things. Caroline and Tyler bicker a bit after she compels his date to leave, ha. They then of course end up making out.

Damon comes back to the house in a bad/sad mood only to be met with Elena’s indignation about about his secret search party. Damon yells at her to stop looking for Stefan. Stefan comes back to Klaus (this was a bit of a test to see if he’d come; Klaus knew he would). Klaus says he knows Stefan still cares, but the blood will make it easier. He then turns Ray from a werewolf to a vamp/werewolf.

The episode ends with Elena getting home and seeing Alaric packing up because he needs to leave. He thinks he’s not helping the situation — Elena is 18 and she can deal with this mess on her own. (Who according to the state of VA has been their guardian?)

So, Tyler and Caroline are really going at it (goodness gracious) at his house. My notes say Tyler and Caroline – whoa.

Damon throws a fit and flips over all of Stefan’s crap. Stefan calls Elena from an unknown number. She picks up and he doesn’t say anything. She knows it’s him (tear). She says, “I love you. Hold onto that.” Then, Caroline is doing the walk of shame out of Tyler’s house when she runs into the Widow Lockwood. There’s some awkwardness. Caroline goes to leave when the Widow shoots her in the back repeatedly. What a start to the season!

Loved this premiere. We set up some interesting stuff while revisiting a lot from last season. The body count wasn’t too bad in comparison to the season 2 ending (pours one out for Andie Starr). I’m really interested to see what Klaus has planned for his army of vampwolves. I also want to know what’s going to happen to Caroline. I’m fairly curious about what we’re going to do with the ghost vampire storyline as well. It’s so interesting how easily Damon and Stefan have sort of switched roles. The only change I would have made is putting a PSA at the end that teenage sex and drinking leads to being shot by your hook-up’s mom.