The TV Chick

E back again for the season 3 finale of The Vampire Diaries. Guys, “The Departed” was such a great episode; it’s going to be really hard to not type most of this in ALL CAPS. For real, this may be one of my favorite all time episodes…maybe of all shows…in all the history of the TV machine.

We start with what is clearly a flashbacky/dream type thing. Elena is all cheerleader like and goes down to the kitchen with Aunt Jenna. Also, her mom is there and all alive and everything because it’s the past. Dream time is then over and our girl is just in a hospital bed in Mystic Falls Hospital because her brain is sorta broken. Dr. Fell is telling Jeremy that she’s going to be okay…Jeremy then calls the boys who tell him that he’s a dummy for taking her to the hospital because she’s a sitting duck there. Damon then tells Stefan that he’s glad he doesn’t have the dumbest brother around. The boys also agree that someone needs to go back, but someone also has to deal with Klaus’s body.

Dr. Fell then heads to her office and The Artist Formerly Known as Alaric is there being a big suckfest. He tells her that Mama Sheriff and the Widow Lockwood have been relieved of their duties and she’s soon going to be fired when people learn about her blood giving. Vampalaric is also freakin’ obsessed with the town running smoothly – I have never met a vampire so into efficient governing.

Before Alaric can get to Elena, Jeremy and co. get her home. Caroline offers her booze and tea. We then get another flashback with Bonnie, Matt, and Elena all walking and talking at school. Matt walks away and tells Elena he loves her, and she doesn’t say anything back. Bonnie is like, dude, you’ve got to tell that boy you don’t love him and let him go. Back to the present, Elena wakes up and Matt is looking at her. She apologizes for stringing him along and knows that’s what she’s doing now (because I’m sure Matt wants to talk about your sketch love life). Then Stefan walks in (and is looking really good to me lately).

So, Jeremy is picking up some food at the Grill (which makes me feel sad for some reason). And an Alaric walks into the bar…dun dun dun.

Back at the Gilbert Residence, Matt and Stefan are talking about Elena and free will and all that. She goes to answer the door (gee, who could it be? And I sort of meant that because this show is ridiculous and sometimes you don’t know what’s going to happen). It’s ELIJAH. (I wrote in my notes hearts and smiles). Man, I love this guy – I find his weird vampire ethics sexy. [Ed. Note: I may have gasped audibly when I saw him at the door.]

Back to Alaric and JerBear – Alaric just wants to know where Klaus’s body is. He’d be happy to end all the vampires and just be locked up while Elena lives out the rest of her life (sniff, sniff – reminds me of the old Alaric).

Meanwhile, Elijah also wants to know where Klaus is. He just wants to keep the body because this family is reallllly into carting around everyone they have sorta dead or alive. He reassures her that he wouldn’t revive Klaus in her lifetime or her children’s (but how about her children’s children’s?). Elena wants to know why, and the best answer he can give is because he’s his brother (only children FTW!).

Okay, so Caroline and Tyler go to their moms. And the Moms are like, peeps, you need to get the hey out of town because people are ready to torch you. Widow Lockwood got them some funds and Mama Sheriff got them new IDs (what a spin-off this would be…Vamps on the Run). Caroline is freaking out, but Tyler is like we can do this and we have to do this for our moms. But, Caroline wants to help their friends first. (Spoiler alert – this isn’t going to end well).

Matt and Jeremy are commiserating about how all of this sucks. And Matt has a plan! Jeremy (with everyone else in on it) calls Alaric and gives him a fake location. Meanwhile, Bonnie and Damon go to see Klaus who is in a storage unit – sadness. It’s also creepy as hell when they open the coffin and he’s just looking at them. (I’m getting the shivers just talking about it). Bonnie’s there to do some witch stuff but also wants to bask in the glow of Klaus being all lame sauce.

Elena tells Stefan that she’s scared to lose anyone else (for real, I get it. This poor girl will need more years of therapy than she has years – and yes I saw the end of the episode). She’s about to tell Stefan something and doesn’t. He smiles, turns around, and then turns back and kisses her. It’s lovely, and I’m glad I got to watch like a creeper.

So, Rebekah is supposed to come get Klaus’ body, but Alaric shows up first and snaps Damon’s neck (lots of payback I guess?). He then starts going through every storage unit looking for Klaus. Rebekah then actually gets there and Damon snatches her before Alaric can see her. They just about get the body out when Alaric finds them and stakes Klaus who goes up in flames. Rebekah has a major case of the sads yo. Also, I have TEARS. I love me some Klaus.

Back at the house, Matt bring Elena some nasty tea because he’s never made tea right? Suspicious. She then takes this opportunity to have some ‘girl talk’ with Matt about who she should choose (Really Elena? Boundaries). Stefan taught her how to live again but Damon is all consuming. (OK, this is a hard decision. I honestly don’t know who I’d choose). Elena then has a flashback where her mom tells her to set Matt free while she’s talking to her on the phone at the bonfire or whatever high school thing Elena’s at. Elena then wakes up in Matt’s truck. Dude drugged her (with Jeremy’s permission). HUMAN POWER. They’re getting the girl out of town (spoiler alert – for like 27 minutes!).

Damon and Stefan are then on the phone and are like are you dead yet? Nope, you? NO ONE NAMED SALVATORE IS DEAD YET. Except all those other Salvatores that are already dead (RIP ‘Uncle’ Zack – 19?-2009). Elena then learns what’s going and chooses to go back to Mystic Falls – effectively saying that she’d prefer to say goodbye to Stefan if that’s what it comes down to. When talking to Damon, she’s able to tell him that there’s other peeps there also though. He asks what if it was just him or his brother and this is when Elena releases him back into the wild declaring her love for Stefan…but maybe if she met Damon first (ummm, spoiler alert).

Alaric is back from chasing Rebekah and is super angry at Damon. (I’m so sad this friendship is over guys).

Caroline and Elijah find out what happened. Caroline runs like a bat out of hell to Tyler and it’s really freakin’ sad you guys. I love them so very much. He starts to get ill and then makes her leave by getting all wolfy. Before this he tells her that she’ll have a beautiful future (suspicious Tyler words, no?)

Elena then gets of the phone with Caroline and Matt is HULK SMASH angry about Tyler. Soo, Bonnie then shows up to Tyler’s cave. And it turns out Klaus took over Tyler’s body!!!!!!

Rebekah then goes to Elijah and they honestly don’t know what the deal is because they were legit sure Klaus was the Salvatore bloodline. Rebekah then calls Stefan and is like forget this noise. We’re taking Elena OUT. She then stands on the Wickery Bridge and Matt drives off trying to swerve to miss her. We are then flashing between current drowning and past drowning. Meanwhile, Alaric is beating the crap out of Damon.

We then get another flashback to that night before Elena’s parents pick her up. She’s just waiting there when who should appear? DAMON! She met Damon first. Damon’s like, hey Katherine. Elena’s like huh? Damon’s like NM. They then have this sort of magnetic conversation where he tells her what she wants, which includes a love that is all consuming. (Guys, seriously, I don’t know who I want to win – but I do know I want them to be putting their lips on each other right now please). He then compels her to forget this conversation because he doesn’t want people knowing he’s in town yet. Bummer for you man.

We’re then watching the past/current drowning. (Guys, my tears are freely flowing at this point). In the past, her mom is already passed out, but her dad is still with it. He reaches back and holds her hand (seriously, I can’t take this). In the current situation, Matt is passed out. Stefan arrives in both of them. In the past, he goes to the driver’s side and her dad points to save Elena (I’m literally crying again while writing this – dads, you guys, I love dads. And yep, Elena’s life sucks, but she’s had two dads that loved her so much that they died for her). In the present, Stefan tries to save Elena, but she makes him take Matt.

While Alaric and Damon are fighting, Alaric starts to die and Damon realizes what this means for Elena right now. He’s so broken-hearted. Back at the Gilbert Residence, Alaric’s ghost visits Jeremy who also realizes the truth about his sister right now. (I really love that they did this scene because our last moments with Alaric are good and lovely and sad instead of making us hate him).

Elena is left in the morgue with Stefan watching over her when Damon rushes into the hospital. Dr. Fell is like, uhhh, I gave her vamp blood when she was in earlier. And we end with Elena’s eyes OPENING!

Crap you guys. This episode was so flippin’ good. Seriously. I loved it so much. Stream of consciousness: The shocking demise of Klaus, but not really. Where’s Tyler’s soul at? The Alaric end was fantastic. Sometimes I get tired of the who to choose drama, but I loved it tonight. Bonnie still sucks. Rebekah is still awesome. Hearts and puppies and rainbows for Elijah. All the cases of the sads going on. And obviously the biggest moment – Elena is going to be a vamp. I knew we were headed there, but I didn’t think we’d get there tonight! Insane. I can’t wait for next season!!

[Ed. Note: I wholeheartedly agree with E here that this was one of the best episodes of pretty much anything, ever. Especially as far as season finales go. Will Klaus be back? I know Julie Plec made a point in a post-finale interview to say we never saw Klaus' body fully burn up. And I strongly feel as if Elena being a vampire will make the love triangle even more interesting. Elena is going to remember everything that has happened to her, including meeting Damon before Stefan! Remember when Caroline turned?? She remembered everything. And the Damon/Elena kiss where Damon compelled her to forget. So much goodness! I may need an entirely separate post to talk about and break down the season finale because I don't want to usurp E's awesome post. But what an amazing way to end the season!]