The TV Chick

E back again with The Vampire Diaries and “The Rager” (which incidentally is the name of my band; We’re playing in your mom’s basement next Friday).

Okay, so the opening is sort of the same, but sort of changed every week. Strange. But I’ll buy it.

We then open with Tyler at the hospital. Connor stops by for a bedside vigil, and by bedside vigil, I mean he temporarily paralyzes him and extracts venom from his gums. Conor then goes back to his winnebago so he can do some science and look over his files – including Jeremy’s and Elena’s folders.

Over at Stefan’s and Damon’s, Damon is giving Stefan the business about his midlife crisis because he just bought a motorcycle. But, it’s just so Elena can enjoy her vampireness. And Damon is all like, well, those who can’t do, teach. ZING.

At school, Elena sucks Matt’s blood some more. She only drinks a little because she doesn’t want to lose control. She also goes on a bit about wanting to finish her senior year.

Okay, so Tyler is back home with some hybrid protection courtesy of Papa Klaus. He hates Tyler, but hybrids are pretty much more endangered than pandas. PANDAS. [Ed. note: PANDAS!] Back at school, Stefan and Elena are in Alaric’s old classroom, and she’s got the sads of course. But, that turns around when that bitch on fangs Rebakah comes in and is horrible/awesome.

Connor is also at the school looking for Jeremy; Elena and Stefan see this, and Stefan goes to see what the deal is. Elena goes into the bathroom to freshen up after her tete a tete with Rebekah, and some chick named Heather comes in who was compelled by Rebekah to look like a bleeding feast to Elena. Elena freaks; Rebekah comes in and is a you real you know what. You know, the usual.

Jeremy is trying to play dumb with Connor (but it’s Jeremy, so yeah, super believable acting going on here). Connor is like cut the bull, you can see my magic tats. I’ll show you how to kick ass.

Damon goes into Connor’s winnebago and gets shot by a booby trapped arrow. He calls on Meredith to help him out, and he sees the letter from Pastor Young. They ponder what this big, bad evil could be because they thought they had enough of that.

Elena, Caroline, and Stefan are chatting about the day, and Stefan is obsessed with them having some fun. So, they decide to go to the party that Rebekah is hosting to go against the mandatory curfew the town set. Over at Tyler’s, some broad walks in a pair of daisy dukes. Apparently, she’s the werewolf who broke him of his sire bond. (Uh oh, I smell slutty trouble).

Rebekah is trying to talk to Matt. (Buuuurn and cold shoulder all at once). He wants none of that mess. Then Connor goes to Matt and sees his fang marks. He roughs Matt up until he gives up a name, which is incidentally Rebekah.

Elena pretends she’s looking for Damon’s bourbon (which is more delicious than Stefan’s), but she’s actually looking for his white oak stake. Also, Damon is getting undressed, and it’s magical of course.

Jer Bear goes over to Connor’s winnie in the woods and gives up info on Meredith’s blood bank. (Obviously there’s a plan, so I’m not worried).

Stefan and Elena show up to party at Rebekah’s. April and Elena chat; Elena gives her beer because she was a really responsible babysitter. Rebekah comes in and April leaves; Rebekah gets Elena’s ring and throws it down the garbage disposal. Elena gets it out and gets out the white oak stake. Stefan finds her (Damon gave her stake BTW) and explains other vamps will die if Rebekah dies (umm, NBD in my opinion); He doesn’t want her to have that guilt. So, they leave to go ride his motorcycle (but not before she does a kegstand). In other news, Rebekah seems to be having some health issues.

Also, Tyler gets rid of Caroline real quick because his wolf on the side is there. Klaus knows what’s up. Klaus answers Ty’s phone (it’s Damon). Damon wants Tyler to go vampire hunter hunting, but Klaus says he’ll go instead. Wheee!! If you didn’t see this episode, you also missed an amazing green screen situation with Elena and Stefan motorcycling.

Jeremy brings Connor to hospital. Damon is there obvs. Connor is like, should a germophobe be here? And Damon is like, whoops, did I say germophobe, I meant vampire. LOLZZZ. There’s some fighting, Connor goes down. Meanwhile, Elena and Stefan are macking – and she sees Damon. Uh oh, hallucinating. Uh oh, werewolf venom.

Matt finds Rebekah and tells her she’s not worth love – she takes his heart out. (Guys, I was okay because I knew Kevin and Julie would not take Matt from me…at least yet) And it is just a hallucination, phew.

Connor tells Klaus and Damon that it doesn’t matter if they kill him because there’s someone waiting to take his place. Klaus learns about his invisible tattoos from a marking on his weapon and and puts two and two together and realizes he’s one of The Five (that’s the title of next week’s episode, so I’ll let you know what that’s all about well, next week). Connor then blows shiz up. Meredith is not pleased about this explosion and tells Damon that he needs to repair things with his peeps because she doesn’t want to be his partner in crime.

Elena is hallucinating Damon again; Klaus comes and tells Stefan that one voicemail is as effective as nine (man, that Stefan never changes). Klaus gives her blood because she may be worth something to him one day. (Hmmmm.)

April is at Rebekah’s cleaning up (weird) – She says it’s better than sitting home thinking about your dead family (looks like someone is looking to become Mystic Falls latest Tragedy Whore; also, who is taking care of this chick?) Rebekah likes her because Rebekah is pretty much the saddest, most desperate girl around and wants to help her find out what happened with the explosion.

Stefan and Caroline are having a little rap session about how he wants to enjoy good times with Elena, but he doesn’t want to be Jesse and the Rippers. So, he needs her help to stay on the straight and narrow because she’s so awesome at being a vampire.

Elena is freakin’ out to Matt about almost killing Rebekah. She feels driven by this hunger… and then she’s feasting. (At this point, I’m like, people, maybe we should keep someone around during these eating sessions). Luckily, Damon was reading my mind and comes and stops things. He compels Matt and sends him home. He tells her she needs to learn how to be a vampire, and he’s going to teach her (yes, please).

Klaus comes to Connor’s place. Connor doesn’t know what the five is. Klaus says, “let’s just say, it’s made you the most well-protected vampire hunter in town.”

What is the deal with this Five business?! It sounds secret and awesome, and I’d like to be a part of it. Also, what is the big, scary badness coming to town?! So many things going on! This wasn’t my fave episode, but I liked it well enough. And it definitely has my curious about what’s coming down the pike!